I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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