I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
