It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
