She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you didnt know i had herpes?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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