While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
did i just pee glitter
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
