u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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