yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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