just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
