we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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