I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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