nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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