i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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