I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
