I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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