I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
