U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize