"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
