Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
