Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
