I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
