you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
