Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
