More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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