i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
