i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
