pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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