she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
