Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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