they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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