don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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