What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So vagazzling was a success
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
