i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
