After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
