Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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