Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
