found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
