I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize