Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
