i think i have herpe
just one?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
