We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize