Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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