i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
