We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
