Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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