I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
