Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you would pick up someone in the library
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
