did you get engaged???
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
