While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
