My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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