Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
