i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
