so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
