this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
