I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
did i walk over a car last night?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
