Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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