I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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