last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
