We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
