i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
