I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Who did Billy Mays play for?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I supernannyed him into submission
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
