I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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