I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
