So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
