question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You have to summon your inner elephant
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize