Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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