She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize