some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
