so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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