I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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