its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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