How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
