i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
