i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
