Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
how drunk are you?
Several
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
