i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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