Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
