Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
