the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
