I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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